floranna: (Default)
Please pray for my little sister. She dodn't come back home this night, her boyfriend called me worried, her friends don't know where she is as she left before them. Sobering centers were a dead end. Now we just must wait until morning to call the cops. Please, pray or send positive thoughts or fuck-not, I am really scared.

EDIT: She has been found safe! Thank fucking god.
floranna: (Default)
I am sorry that I have been quiet here. I am far more active in tumblr, where I am Floranna2, but even there I mainly just reblog stuff.

So much has been happening in these past months. Some of it good, some of it bad and some just genuinelly frustrating. I actually want to talk about all of that, but I think I will make talk about those things in separate posts. May take days to get through them all, but that ust makes me update far more often.

My eating has been...pretty up-and-down. I can't remember if i hvae said this, but binge eating disorder is oretty, well, not new but undiagnosed in Finland. I was lucky that I got into some group therapy with others who have the same disease. First was six meetings long and the second was fifteen meetings long and both were pilot projects. It has been amazingly helpful and I have gotten some very good friends from there.

I still binge and I am nowhere near healing, but I am getting better. But this is not what I meant to talk about. One of the hosts (?) was writing a book about binge eating and it was published this spring. She sent emails to us of any of us were willing to give an interview to a newspaper, nameless or not. Some agreed to do it nameless, but I was willing to give an interview with my full name and picture. I thought my part would be only a small part of it, but in the end there were two massive pictures of me with our family's cat and my interview took nearly half of the text in that arycle and it was a full spread.

Next day a news people call and ask if I was willing to do a television interview to the news. I said yes again. The full interview took about 5 minutes and can still be found in the 'net, as they had to chop it down for the actual news.

I am still pretty flabbergasted about this, but all the feedback has been positive. As I have a very rare last name, my parents' friends have been asking if I am their girl and have said that I have been very brave in telling all that about myself and my struggles. I did have to call my grandpa and tell him about my eating disorder after he found out about it after all this, which I wasn't very proud about. It wasn't funny to tell him about it, when he bareky knows about anorexia or bulimia.

I could probably link that interview but it's in Finnish, so...

Granny.

Jan. 1st, 2013 01:58 am
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Granny died last night. 30th December 2012, around 10 pm. So.

I might be a wreck, I don't know. I can't make myself think about how she is really gone for forever now. We went to see her (me and my sis, mum and lilbro had come there day earlier) on saturday and she really couldnn't speak, nor did she recognize us I think. She did hold our hands and was restless.

I had to escape during the visit to go to bathroom and I told mum I wouldn't come there anymore, seeing mumma like that hurt too much and I had said my goodbye when she was a bit more coherent. SHe said okay. ANd day later mumma is gone forever.

It took her less than week to deteoriate and die. And I kept praying that she wouldn't suffer and what I hae heard it was very peaceful. They didn't transfer to a hospital, it would have been cruel when doctors or nurses wouldn't have been able to do a thing. Now she got to be in her room where she had lived over three years, surrounded with her own stuff and the great people who work there.

She is one of my greatest heroes. Was. She never did anything 'spectcular'. SHe lived and worked and thrived. She helped her mum and siblings when her father moved to America and left his wife and kids in Finland (it was practically a divorce back then) even if she was the second youngest. SHe worked during the Winter ad Continuation war, was a Lotta, (the kiddie version) got a medal for working so hard in wartime when men were on the front, married, had one daughter and several more 'unofficial' children that she and grandpa raised. They were together atleast 59 years, I am not sure when they got married.

She and grandpa had practically given up on the thought of having grandchildren, so when my mum told her she was pregnant to a man mumma hadn't yet seen at the age of 35, she said: "I had been thinking that I don't have any reason to stay anymore on this world and could die away, but not anymore!" SHe loved all three of us so much (Mum got us when she was 36, 38 and 40. I am the eldest.) and we have never doubted that. SHe kitted so many things and I still have some of her great woollen socks.

I love her so much. She would have been 89 at May 31st. I wish they'll let me carry her casket. They let me carry grandpa's. (From my father's side.)

I only have one grandpa left now.
floranna: (Default)
Christmas started off well. We ate Christmas dinner and opened all of our presents in 24th (we Finns celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve) mom called grandma and she was feeling down and nurses told it might be close. But we new we wre going there on Saturday so we didn't worry too much, even if we knew this would be her last Christmas. Next day, mum calls her again but this time she is in a such bad shape that mum tells she will be going to see her and me and my sister asked to come with her. There was about 400 kms there tp drive, part of it in the dark and snowing heavily. We went there, and she was in such a bad shape, couldn't speak nor was very responding. Next day we go there again and she was only slightly more better, but we all knew it was close.

I felt terrible because when mum, sis and grandpa were all crying, I wasn't. But it came later. I had work today and I felt like I was in some sort of daze, and when I was in bus on my way home the emptyness inside of myself grew just too big and I started crying. Not loud to be noticed, and now I am still doing in in small bursts.

I can't imagine life where mummu is dead. She is one of my most important people and this emptyness, hole in me is terrifying.

I will be in the net around this time. but it will be in small bursts as my concentration is terrible and I honestly cannot seem to be able to do anything that eeds brainpower and to actually do something. I am not in a good shape.

Please, I need pettings.

She is still alive, but it's so close and I am terrified that she is suffering.
floranna: (Default)
My mother's side grandparents are still alive. We have always been close, even if they have always lived over 400 kms away. They live in an old farm, even if the arable land has been sold and the buildings where the livestock was has been changed to a storage and there are no animals.

Every house is painted red and it's amazing. Beautiful. I, as being the morbid creature I am, am afraid that what will happen when granny and grandpa both die. We have two cottages already, how would be handle the third? It's so dear place to me that thinking of selling it hurts. But that's in the future.

My grandpa will be 89 on october, and even if he has broken his hip, he walks around with a cane and lives alone. A family friend comes once a week to clean and he has neighbours who visit, take him shopping and just keep an eye on him in case of an emergency. But he still travels to the poststamp auctions and is quite active. =DD He specializes in the stamps from the area Finland lost during the Winter and Continuation War.

Grandma had a small stroke nearly four-five years ago. i remember that I was in my first and still only hiking trip alone when I heard she had to go to hospital. I wrote a diary during that trip and I remember writing: "If something happens to grandma, I'll be last to know."

Grandpa took care of her for two years after the stroke, but when she couldn't go to toilet without help it was the sign that he couldn't take care of her anymore. She lives in a nursing home now.

It hurts seeing her like this. She is one of the dearest people in the world to me and she doesn't always recognize me. I mean, she knows three Hannas and mixes us up. She had a sister Hanna, a mother-in-law called Hanna and me, her first granddaughter. But she remembers Katariina and Tuomas and that hurts.

She can't truly walk anymore. I remember her as a person who always had to be doing something, loved to bake, may not be the most talkative but who was there and understood everything and WAS there when we were talking in a group. I don't get that feeling from her anymore. Nowadays when I look at her when we are talking around her she has this slightly confused look on her face and it hurts so much. And I got really freaked yesterday when read a fic that had a grandmother in it, she wasn't even anything at all like grandma, but I realized that I am loosing those memories at how was he like before the stroke. It scared me.

I miss her so much.

Click dragons please.
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Cats

Aug. 1st, 2012 05:21 pm
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I am a cat person. Ridiculous cat person. ^^ We have two cats that are British shorthairs. Igor is white with blue and orange (or brown, it varies a bit) eyes, and Armi, who is blue. I gor was named Igor because he just looked like Igor, and Armi came to our home about six months later. She is named after Armi Kuusela, a Finnish pageant who was Miss Universum 1952. A beautiful woman's name to a beautiful cat. ^^

They are both 10 years old and shed like crazy. Igor is really really lazy, even lazier now that he is getting old. He is also the world's best food bowl's guardian. Xb He is also scared of small children, I mean, he won't attack but if he sees small children he hides. Our brave little beast.

Armi is a bit wilder, but she only seems so because Igor is so lazy. XDD

Both of them aren't really lap cats (?) but if you are laying on a sofa they'll come close and let you know that you'll be graciously allowed to pet them. Right now.

We have had kittens by them once, but then Armi was cut. A pity, but it was always a hassle because Igor had to be put in my room during her heat.

Cat pictures here! )

Sorry about the big pics.

Oh, and please click my dragons!
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Boss

Jul. 31st, 2012 01:09 pm
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Bruce Springsteen is having a concert today in Helsinki. I had to stand ready at my computer, refreshing every ten seconds when you first got to buy those tickets. My mum is a fan. ^^ I was in the 2008 concert and thought it was okay, nothing spectacular but it didn't make my ears bleed. I was originally supposed to go with her and her Boss friends, but she asked if I could give my ticket to a man at her work because he was such a Bruce fan. I was glad to, because as I said I am not really a Bruce fan, and I was happy to give it to someone who really appreciates it.

I am kinda amused at her enthusiasm, and how her friends (old family friends who I have friended in Facebook) all talk about the concert in facebook. ^^

BTW, I have noticed that is confusing as fuck to notice that your own mother uses more teen-speak in her texts, when you write full sentences and correct grammar. And she still isn't in facebook, though. Xb

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A meme about a family. This and I will get along like a house on fire.

Meme is here! )
floranna: (Default)
I adore my family. I think they are absolutely awesome. Of course not perfect, far from it, but even when I have a disagreement or annoyed at someone, I wouldn't change them to anyone. My best friend said to me, when I mentioned that I couldn't imagine dating someone who wouldn't stand my parents, she just said that she wouldn't imagine anyone not liking them. Warmed my heart deep down.

My mum has a very short fuse, and when she feels, she feels fully. She is an on/off person, who talks a lot, is very social and lively. She also has an amazingly accurate (and nitpicky) dirt-detector. I love her to bits, but I know that being too long alone with her will make e cringe. Why? Because she talks and always waits for me to take part in the converstaion, when I just want to read my book or be in my thoughts. We are very different in that aspect. ^^' She is also a nurse, which has brought all of us kids very strong stomachs, because she always talks about her job at our dinner table. She in a nurse in neurological surgeries, who deals with the anesthesia. She has also completely spooked me in that way that it's impossible for me to drive a bike without wearing a helmet. ^^ (skull like a crushed melon...) I have also noticed that I have a very low tolerance in fics for moronic doctors and nurses thanks to her, a nurse who reveals a character has a cancer to a complete stranger (to her, the other person knows the character), not even in an accident, just as a pass-on in a conversation? A quick click on a back button and indecent amount of seething. My mum never reveals the identity of her patients or anything completely distinguishable on them. She always talks very vaguely about the and that...breaking of that ethical conduct makes me just mad.

My dad and I are very same. Both of us enjoy quiet and peacefulness, read a lot, watch movies and tv. He was the one who introduced me to Battlestar Galactica and into several other space shows. He also worked when in uni in a scifi magazine as a secretary (it had just started publishing then) he was there few years and that magazine is Finland's biggest scifi magazine still going strong. And the funny fact? I got to scifi and fantasy by myself and have met the people who knew my dad then and are still making that magazine. Guess some things are genetic. ^^ We also both love hiking. And I absolutely love it when he calls me his little Impgirl. (it sounds better in Finnish)

But you know what is the best on them? (well, expect that they love me...) They have never forced any of their values or thoughts to us. When I was a kid (and still now) when I asked who they voted in different elections, they refused to answer that. Even the party that person was a part of was a no-no. When I joined the Left Party, my mum just laughed and said that the apple wasn't falling far from the tree. She was a part of that when she was young and know I think votes social democrats or greens. I don't know. They won't answer me. ^^ My values are my own, they have never outright said anything what I should believe in. My dad isn't a part of church, but my mum is and she isn't religious. I have Faith in God and am happy to be a Lutherian, but they have never mocked me on it. Or even commented it. They let me be who I am.


My sister is very same as my mum (their fights are riotous...) so we don't do things much at together, but I love her smile when I compliment her clothes. It makes me so proud of her. She is the least academical of us three and I know she doesn't like high school, but she still is there and makes me proud every damn time. She is also very good with kids and I have a suspicion that she'll in future work with them too.

My littlebrother...is fifteen. He rubs on to me entirely wrong way, but I am god-knows-only proud of him. He has a dyslexia, so he's school work isn't always THAT good, but he truly makes effort and is the best of us in math. He also has some interent in it, too, unlike me and Kata. All of us have studied extensive math in high school, I only because it helps when getting to uni, Kata only because dad wants it, but he truly knows it and likes it. I studied extensive math in juior high school, there was a test so I could get into that class and I passed it. Tuomas did that test too but he didn't pass, which I think is completely wrong. He just panicked and couldn't concentrate when the test was... The funny thing is, when his school had a national wide Business math test, he became the third. And from the three he was also the only one not in extensive math class. ^^ (the first two were girls which fills me with different kind of glee) His dyslexia slows him down, but he is smart.

This is a post which has been on my chest for a long time.

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