floranna: (Default)
I went today to dentist. There was a cavity on my upper left wisdom tooth and I had decided to take the whole tooth off, because my toothbrush was hard to reach that tooth. First time they asked if that tooth should be just...mended? Patched up? What the fuck is right word? And I pussied out and said yes to that instead of removing it. Few days later I called back and asked to change it to be removed, as I grew some actual balls. They changed it and everything was okay.

Except today. They started to remove it but it was stuck far more than they thought. They worked on it for half an hour, and they had to put local anesthetic to it about three times i the middle of it because it started to hurt.

They finally did get it out and gave the teeth to me. They said that it's just a small cavity but to me it looked enormous. And my tooth is funny shaped and has something white potruding out of it.

Anesthetic is now gone and it's hurting like motherfucker. I have taken pain meds that have given me an ability to do something else than holding my cheek and whimper but it still hurts.

Ad three nights ago one of my bed feet (?) said poks at 2.30 am. I nearly fell of the bed. Guest room was taken so I went to the couch where confused cats and parents poked me awake to wonder why the hell am I there.

I slept last two nights in guest bed but it's completely different than my any previous beds and I sleep badly on it. I wantmy bed back. ANd the pain gone. ATleast before I go to sleep.
floranna: (Default)
Sometimes I just wonder why the fuck I even try. I try to be a good and kind person to everyone, I really do and when I think of question that might be embarassing, stupid or otherwise risky I try to make it a joke about my cowardice or intelligence or just...well, soften it.

This is about the Teen Wolf fandom. I am very new to there, and I am followig this person in tumblr that is very...well, she calls herself lunatic and is very fiery with her opinions and with everything. She has said how she hates one of the actors in the show and I have been confused as why. So I finally grow balls big enough to ask her why, and she just...gets mean about it how I should have googled it, I mean I could've found it by putting: why (her nick) hates (the actor), in to the google search.

It didn't come to mind, honestly. I just really liked her fic and the fire in her posts and her confidence so I wanted to make contact to her, get her to...I don't know, to know me? At least for a short while? Let her know that this type of person is following her actively now and wants to say hi?

It just...she got so mocking and angry about it. I didn't even realize I could've make her feel like it. Now I am feeling ashamed and angry at myself and I am kinda hoping that I hurt her feelings somehow rather than that she just mocked me for the fun of it.

I don't know even what I am trying to say here.

Oh, and I am Floranna2 in tumblr, please follow me if you want. I usually just repost interesting and funny shit there.

Uhh...

Mar. 16th, 2012 10:57 pm
floranna: (Default)
Reading 120 000 word long fanfic at one go because it was so good that you weren't able to take a break? Not very wise. My eyes...
floranna: (Default)
I just came from movies. I was watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. A good movie, and I recommend it.

But there was a moment that made me think (and also made me maudlin). A character is being told by his superior that he will now be most likely watched, so if he has anything in his life that needs to be cleaned up, he should do it immediatly. He goes to home, meets his boyfriend and in the next scene boyfrined leaves, saying: "You can tell me if you have someone new. I am an adult." After the door closes, the character starts crying.

I know the movie is set in the 70s, but it still hits so close to me. I also watched the movie Malcolm X couple of weeks ago, and even there is a black character who is most likely a mathematic genius, but is a criminal because he wouldn't be given the same chances as a white man.

It's just makes me wonder, why humans spend so much time trying to bring each other down, hide something so great and ultimately unharming in themselves, or just punish people because of their race, religion or sexuality. It just feels so much waste of time and resources, if you want to think practically. And just so fucking tiring.

I personally just sometimes get the feeling that I really don't understand people. WHat is wrong with being gay, black or muslim? Am I missing something? Why I just don't feel to GET IT why people spend so much time hating each other?

I just don't get people. What is wrong with me? WHy would you spend so much time bringing me down? I am gay, woman and overweight, but I don't think it changes what or who I am. Why should I hate or doubt a russian, muslim or a black man/woman? Why should I be rude, mean and bully those who disagree with me, was it small or big thing?

I just wonder sometimes.



((And now before anyone gets any ideas, I am no fucking saint or somehow pure or innocent. Just making sure))

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