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About what happened in April
It has been 7 months. Feels weird to think it like that. It feels in the same time like it was ages ago and that it happened just now.
I don't know what I really want to say, but I need to talk about this. It has been building up and I need to let it out now.
So, seven months ago I took every medicine I found in our med closet where read that 'if you overdose, call the doctor' and ate them in school's toilet. There were sturdy walls and it would be last place people would start looking for me. My dad had hidden his blood pressure meds way before so I didn't found them, so those meds weren't that serious. I think.
At morning I said bye, have a nice day, to my family and because they left earlier I staied home, wrote the entry and left to school. There I went to toilet, ate all the pills and drank water from the bottle which I had brought with me. I was there about 30 minutes, only eating the meds. I also send to every relative and friend a text message where read: "Please forgive me" and put the voice off. People started calling me and sending text messages soon after that, but I went to class (it was finnish) where we were supposed to write an essee. I was late from that class, I remember that. I was also nervous as hell and I couldn't concentrate enough to write, so I wrote how I wanted myself to be buried.
After awhile I was so nervous and scared that I had to ask my teacher if I could go to see school nurse. She asked why, and I tried as distreectly as I could open my bag and show the empty pill containers and whispered that I had taken all of them and I had to go.
She took me to nurse's office, my homeroom teacher came soon after and they called ambulance. I remember being sleepy. Pasramedics came and gave something black to drink which felt like there was sand in it. I vomited.
They took me to hospital where my mum, dad and sister were and kept me there for about 8 hours and sent me home after few tests. And they agreed to that only because my mum is a nurse and she said I would be sleeping next to her.
When I got home, my little brother didn't even try to start arguing when I said I would like to watch CSI NY. There was going some of his favourite shows and before we always started arguing. I still remember how surprised I was when he only said okay and was so damn agreeable.
I slept at my parents bed with my mum (dad slept in my bed) and I didn't go to school for few days and mum took few days off so that I wouldn't be alone.
And nowadays, well, they have tripled the amount of meds I take. It seems the amount of meds I took regularly back then was the starting amount, and it was supposed to change gradually but the my birthday came and I became a legal adult. I was changed to adult part of...thatwhateverdon'thaveadictionary, but sent back, I always had different doctors and most of them I only saw once before they left and no-one knew I was taking so low amount for over a half year.
And I still want to thank everyone who commented that entry or otherwise informed LJ. It means lot to me.
My metabolism was screwed up days after. I.e., I couldn't shit. Hurt like hell and made me bitchy.
And I have eaten all of the chocolate already.
I don't know what I really want to say, but I need to talk about this. It has been building up and I need to let it out now.
So, seven months ago I took every medicine I found in our med closet where read that 'if you overdose, call the doctor' and ate them in school's toilet. There were sturdy walls and it would be last place people would start looking for me. My dad had hidden his blood pressure meds way before so I didn't found them, so those meds weren't that serious. I think.
At morning I said bye, have a nice day, to my family and because they left earlier I staied home, wrote the entry and left to school. There I went to toilet, ate all the pills and drank water from the bottle which I had brought with me. I was there about 30 minutes, only eating the meds. I also send to every relative and friend a text message where read: "Please forgive me" and put the voice off. People started calling me and sending text messages soon after that, but I went to class (it was finnish) where we were supposed to write an essee. I was late from that class, I remember that. I was also nervous as hell and I couldn't concentrate enough to write, so I wrote how I wanted myself to be buried.
After awhile I was so nervous and scared that I had to ask my teacher if I could go to see school nurse. She asked why, and I tried as distreectly as I could open my bag and show the empty pill containers and whispered that I had taken all of them and I had to go.
She took me to nurse's office, my homeroom teacher came soon after and they called ambulance. I remember being sleepy. Pasramedics came and gave something black to drink which felt like there was sand in it. I vomited.
They took me to hospital where my mum, dad and sister were and kept me there for about 8 hours and sent me home after few tests. And they agreed to that only because my mum is a nurse and she said I would be sleeping next to her.
When I got home, my little brother didn't even try to start arguing when I said I would like to watch CSI NY. There was going some of his favourite shows and before we always started arguing. I still remember how surprised I was when he only said okay and was so damn agreeable.
I slept at my parents bed with my mum (dad slept in my bed) and I didn't go to school for few days and mum took few days off so that I wouldn't be alone.
And nowadays, well, they have tripled the amount of meds I take. It seems the amount of meds I took regularly back then was the starting amount, and it was supposed to change gradually but the my birthday came and I became a legal adult. I was changed to adult part of...thatwhateverdon'thaveadictionary, but sent back, I always had different doctors and most of them I only saw once before they left and no-one knew I was taking so low amount for over a half year.
And I still want to thank everyone who commented that entry or otherwise informed LJ. It means lot to me.
My metabolism was screwed up days after. I.e., I couldn't shit. Hurt like hell and made me bitchy.
And I have eaten all of the chocolate already.
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I'm happy to have you still around, and I know others are too. :)
Yay for eating chocolate! Now I totally gotta go buy some.
<333333333
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You are a wonderful person and that will never change. ♥
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Hang in there. <3
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No, that's not a good description of depression... rather you want the world to go on, you just think it went without you.
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I'm glad you survived. ♥
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Hope you're doing better and if you ever need to talk you can always reach me through LJ or at aysecetin@webspeed.dk