floranna | (no subject)

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I have a binge eating disorder. I weight 140 kilos. I am hideous and feel like I am bursting with fat.

It's in a point I feel jealous everytime someone says they have anorexia or bulimia and think: "Well, atleast they get thinner".

I disgust myself.

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My best friend has bulimia, and that is what she says too: "Hey, I'm sick and can't work, but at least I look good." Except...she kind of doesn't. She's way too thin.

I've never understood this fixation on being fat or thin. People are just made differently. I'm fat, and while I keep an eye on my health, I don't stress about it too much - it just is. I keep myself fit, and I keep an eye on my health, so everyone else should just GTFO.

The pictures I've seen of you are lovely. Don't worry ;.;

I am in a point I can't go hiking anymore. And I love hiking. My knee hurts all the time, xxl clothes won't fit me anymore. I am in a point I wish I could make myself throw up.

What does your doctor say about this? It sounds like both your depression and your inability to keep fit goes hand-in-hand ;.;

My original doctor for my depression treatment left, and I haven't met my new one for the whole 9 months she/he has been assigned to me.

That's right, I think you mentioned that to me before.

I think now is the time more than ever to actively look for a new doctor yourself. Clearly waiting isn't doing you any good, so looking would be the best course of action.

In the meantime, if you ever need to just unload your sad or your mad or your glad, you can email me.

That's what I was about to say. Could one thing be leading to another? Has this been a slow upward trend over many years or a sudden spike of gaining weight?

And besides, I've seen pictures of you when you've posted it. You're not hidious -- you're pretty! I think you need to see your doctor, because I'm concerned that your depression might be warping your self worth, and that's a scary path to go down. :(

I agree with the others. Get a new doctor and get the depression taken care of. You don't disgust yourself because you're fat, you disgust yourself because you're depressed. Depression is my number one nemesis and it can be beaten.

*hugs you*

My doctor and theraphist are two different persons. Theraphist I see twice a week, doctor I haven't.

This just freaks me out because truthfully? I don't remember a time I have felt this good. And now my body-image issues are drowning me.

Can your therapist prescribe? Are you taking any meds? I'm a strong believer in depression meds. Prozac saved my life.

No, she can't. That's exactly why I have a doctor.

My dear friend, you aren't alone. Believe me, I cover up the mirrors in my home because I hate my body so much. I'm someone who has starved herself silently, and kept going through class and fainted (and lied about why). My parents brutally abuse me about my weight, they shame me, and you know what? My life is still precious to me.

It's possible your medication is causing your weight gain. I'd suggest you go for a blood and thyroid test, many cause cravings and none of that is your fault. If not, there are strategies to help binge eating.

You aren't alone. You are loved. Please, seek help because you are precious to me as a friend.

Losing weight for your health is fine. But your health is the most important part. You are beautiful.

Everyone's said it better than I have. You're depressed and weight gain and weight loss often goes hand in hand. You are not disgusting and you are not hideous. You're hurting.

I don't know what your health care system is like, but is there anyway of speeding up the process? Are there little things that you can help yourself to improve while you wait? Your knee might hurt, but can you walk a short distance every other day until you get stronger?

I've been where you are (I weighed a bit less than you do, but then I'm shorter than you are, so it evens out), and I'm very sorry that you're at that place where you feel disgusted with yourself. Depression and body issues is an awful combination of things to have. I love hiking too, and it was devastating when my knee refused to cooperate and I couldn't go hiking.

I remember you posted a picture of you some time back, I think it was a graduation picture of sorts, and I thought you looked lovely.

It's not easy, but managing depression, even if it's just managing it a bit, can make big improvements on how you feel about yourself. I'd see about getting a doctor who, with your therapist, can see if there are any meds you could either change or try. There's no point in having a doctor if you never ever see them.

Please have a hug : )

The Lady 529

Hey- just saw this, and I just wanted to *hug* Everyone here seems to be giving pretty good advice; I'll add my vote to the 'get a new doctor' thing, because if they aren't helping you, they aren't worth naming your doctor.

I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I used to eat until I was uncomfortably full, wait a while, then do it again- mostly because I was bored and that was one of my few pleasures in life. It took until getting heavy-duty braces to even realize I was doing it, and after that big shock, it was slow, steady work to get to eating comfortably. I've still got my sixth-grade stretchmarks, and I'm not ashamed of them.

You deserve to feel good, physically and about yourself.

I know everyone else has said this too, but depression and weight gain can definitely go hand in hand. You may be bigger than you want to be, but you are still a pretty, intelligent and worthwhile person.

Another thing is that some medications specifically for depression can cause weight gain. If the meds you are on are helping you feel good for the first time in a long time, but you are still gaining weight, I think it's definitely time to see the doctor and ask what can be done about that since it's somewhat counter productive to have something happening to your body that makes you feel bad if it's being caused by medicine designed to make you NOT feel bad about yourself.

Also, if your doctor hasn't seen you in 9 months, is this because you haven't made an appointment? or because she can't make time to see you? If the former, make the appointment. If it's the latter? Yah.. Time to find a doctor who can be bothered with seeing patients when they need to be seen.

I'm sure you have already talked to your therapist about your binge eating disorder. If not then definitely add that to your list of things that you want addressed. It definitely merits attention.

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