Musings

[floranna]

I have had my summer holiday for almost three weeks. But is it normal to hate it already? It seems like I am right now only waiting for the school to start. I hate the weather, the thing I have nothing to do every day, the fact that when I have, I have to go to somewhere pretty far and cannot stay in home. The time just before holiday was so...tough, that I didn't have time to get excited about holiday. And now, everything is just so bloody bleak.

Everything is so grey and I really cannot find any joy about anything. I hate depression. Doctor doubled the amount of meds I am allowed to take but it hasn't helped. And it doesn't help at all that I feel sick when I have to swallow pills. I hate going to medicine cabinet even if I only have to take pain meds for headache, because only thing I can think of then is how it felt to swallow them in school's toilet, terrified and waiting to die.

I wish school would start. I wish I couls be happy, enjoy about things I loved in past. I wish I could enjoy reading fanfiction, or watching tv.