(no subject)

I wish I was dead. Wow. Haven't had that thought for a while.

Won't off myself though. I just have to remember than when I have felt better, I haven't regretted being alive. Must remember that fact, even if I cannot feel it now.

Things are looking bad for my avatar bigbang. Probably won't be able to finish it at time.

School is cool. I got there because there were so many people who didn't come there, and people are nice even if the syudies are right now a bit boring.

I want this feeling away. The feeling of wanting to cry, but can't because there is no reason to. The hollow feeling in the chest. I want to smile, laugh and dream. Not end uo under a train.

You know the quizzes you have to take when in therapy, and there is a question about if your sex drive has diminished? I always put a no there before, but right now, when I have generally felt better, I realize that it had diminished considerably. I think about sex, kissing someone, hugging someone, being close to someone all the time now and it hurts.

I just wish for things I am not sure I'll ever get. There's just so much death around and misery, why cannot someone tell anything nice anymore?

God fuck I hate this.