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Dec. 28th, 2012 12:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
florannaChristmas started off well. We ate Christmas dinner and opened all of our presents in 24th (we Finns celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve) mom called grandma and she was feeling down and nurses told it might be close. But we new we wre going there on Saturday so we didn't worry too much, even if we knew this would be her last Christmas. Next day, mum calls her again but this time she is in a such bad shape that mum tells she will be going to see her and me and my sister asked to come with her. There was about 400 kms there tp drive, part of it in the dark and snowing heavily. We went there, and she was in such a bad shape, couldn't speak nor was very responding. Next day we go there again and she was only slightly more better, but we all knew it was close.
I felt terrible because when mum, sis and grandpa were all crying, I wasn't. But it came later. I had work today and I felt like I was in some sort of daze, and when I was in bus on my way home the emptyness inside of myself grew just too big and I started crying. Not loud to be noticed, and now I am still doing in in small bursts.
I can't imagine life where mummu is dead. She is one of my most important people and this emptyness, hole in me is terrifying.
I will be in the net around this time. but it will be in small bursts as my concentration is terrible and I honestly cannot seem to be able to do anything that eeds brainpower and to actually do something. I am not in a good shape.
Please, I need pettings.
She is still alive, but it's so close and I am terrified that she is suffering.
I felt terrible because when mum, sis and grandpa were all crying, I wasn't. But it came later. I had work today and I felt like I was in some sort of daze, and when I was in bus on my way home the emptyness inside of myself grew just too big and I started crying. Not loud to be noticed, and now I am still doing in in small bursts.
I can't imagine life where mummu is dead. She is one of my most important people and this emptyness, hole in me is terrifying.
I will be in the net around this time. but it will be in small bursts as my concentration is terrible and I honestly cannot seem to be able to do anything that eeds brainpower and to actually do something. I am not in a good shape.
Please, I need pettings.
She is still alive, but it's so close and I am terrified that she is suffering.
