Musings

[floranna]

I have had my summer holiday for almost three weeks. But is it normal to hate it already? It seems like I am right now only waiting for the school to start. I hate the weather, the thing I have nothing to do every day, the fact that when I have, I have to go to somewhere pretty far and cannot stay in home. The time just before holiday was so...tough, that I didn't have time to get excited about holiday. And now, everything is just so bloody bleak.

Everything is so grey and I really cannot find any joy about anything. I hate depression. Doctor doubled the amount of meds I am allowed to take but it hasn't helped. And it doesn't help at all that I feel sick when I have to swallow pills. I hate going to medicine cabinet even if I only have to take pain meds for headache, because only thing I can think of then is how it felt to swallow them in school's toilet, terrified and waiting to die.

I wish school would start. I wish I couls be happy, enjoy about things I loved in past. I wish I could enjoy reading fanfiction, or watching tv.

Comments

[megmatthews20.livejournal.com]

Summer is the suck...especially if you're already depressed. I know that it's definitely my least favorite season because I'm just left alone with my thoughts, and I begin to get lethargic/bored/stressed.

Maybe you can volunteer somewhere, or make a point to go swimming daily or something. Make a hobby/set a goal for yourself. I did that, and pulled myself out of a slump recently.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time taking your anti-depressants. I hope it gets easier. *hugs*

<33333

[ishte.livejournal.com]

Summer break can really drag on if you have nothing to do. Can you try to find some physical activity? Swimming? Walking? Cycling? Usually physical activity even if you're on your own a few times a week helps you feel better. Exercise raises endorphin levels in your brain which makes you feel good.

On your depression vs medications. I know it's hard, and I don't mean to sound flippant about it at all. BUT... Try to be patient with it. Clinical depressions are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and it can take time to find the right medications, in the right combinations in the right amounts. I imagine that your doctor has already told you to keep a diary of how you feel each day, with such things as how you feel and what kinds of things go into your mind when it's time to take your meds. How you feel after various activities, when you get up, after you eat, when it's bedtime an how many hours a day you are sleeping. And try not to sleep to much. A lot of times depression makes you feel like you are exhausted and you feel the need to sleep too much, but that just makes it worse and worse and worse. Exercise helps that too.

I hope things will get better and better and better for you. Just try to be patient. Find something you enjoy doing, and hang out with your friends whenever you can, even if it's just to sit around and watch TV or play a game. Pet your cat or dog often. (this also produces nice brain chemicals if you didn't know.)

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

Oh, hun, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I wish there was something I could do...