Fear

[floranna]

Someone might remember a post where I mentioned that the doctors thought there could be a tumor in my head. I went to MRI and there was nothing, so everything was clear. I do not have a cancer.

I just mentioned this whole thing in passing at that post but...I was truly afraid. Really really afraid. My mum works as a nurse in neurosurgery operating room, so I heard through her what it could be. And it didn't help at all that I could see that my mum was nervous too. I imagined in my head how I would have to tell my grandparents, to my aunt and uncle that: "I have a cancer" Then I didn't have it. My fear was all about nothing, it would leave.

But it didn't I am still scared, the thought of cancer makes me sick and in my head I hear over and over again the sentence: "I have cancer" in my own voice. It just won't leave. Everytime I get scared when that sentence comes into my head. I feel like I want to vomit. It's like a door for the fear of cancer has been opened to me and I cannot close it.

Comments

[badculture.livejournal.com]

I'm really relieved to hear that you don't have cancer, but I don't blame you for still feeling scared. That was quite a close call, and it's a bit much to expect you to just bounce back and carry on your way as if nothing happened.

In a weird way, I am almost glad that you are upset about this. After some of the posts you were putting up just a few months ago, seeing you take a threat to your life this seriously actually strikes me as kind of a good and healthy thing.

[devo79.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear you're okay...not so glad to hear that you can't get past the fear.

Don't know what to tell you *hugs* hope you start feeling better soon.

[ishte.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to know that you don't have a tumor. I don't have any advice on that whole cancer fear sickness that the idea has sparked for you. I can understand it though. Ever since my dad died of cancer I have found that I'm more fearful of it myself. Not to the degree that you are at the moment, but I can definitely understand where it is coming from. I think you should definitely talk to your therapist about this though next time you see them. Fear and fear stress can have a powerful effect on your health, both physically and mentally.