floranna

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Living forever is one of my biggest nightmares. And this isn't just my depression talking, it has always been. I want to grow old and die, because that is natural. Not aging and living forever doesn't feel like life, more like existing. I want to get married and have kids, the thought of outliving all of them, being still young when my kids are old...it terrifies me.

I have had a nightmare where I was dead. But moving. Not zombie, but in the way that my body was dead but my mind and soul was still attached to it. Food tasted ash in my mouth, my skin was cold, I couldn't find my pulse...it was fucking terrifying. I woke up my on my forehead, trying to feel my body heat.

I would love to be immortal in that way in books, books I have written or things I have done. Good things I mean. But immortality? No.